What Does Self-Care Really Mean for Your Love Life?

12 Sep

Self-care is something we all know how to do – in theory… Except it’s not. Life is pretty damn tough sometimes, and once you let your self-care slip, you may find it has far-reaching ramifications – including on your love life.

Couple on a date smiling, holding hands

Self-care is something we all know how to do – in theory.

Exercise. Look good. Work hard. Play hard. Easy.

…Except it’s not. Life is pretty damn tough sometimes, and once you let your self-care slip, you may find it has far-reaching ramifications – including on your love life. And if you’re single and looking for love, this can be a major issue to come to terms with.

What is self-care?

Self-care is any effort you take to nurture your emotional wellbeing. As we’re all vastly different from one another, self-care can take many forms based on individual preferences, needs, priorities. Whether it’s hiking up a mountain, enjoying a weekly mani-pedi or immersing yourself in a meditation class, if it’s doing something for your mental health and sense of happiness and satisfaction, it’s self-care.

Maybe your thing is knitting, or painting, or working out in the gym. Perhaps you really unwind by sitting out in your garden in the evening quiet. It might be that you need a solid session in the sauna to really loosen up.

If it brings you peace and restores balance to your life, allowing you to think more clearly and plan, make goals and think positively about life and your future – it’s self-care.

What is the point of self-care?

Self-care, in its numerous and distinctive guises, acts to rejuvenate our internal state. This in turn directly impacts upon our interactions with others. Intentional self-care has massive implications for our social realms, both intra- and interpersonal.

Let’s say you meet someone who’s a bit on edge, a little tense, agitated, whatever. Your impulse is probably to get away from that negative atmosphere because it’s bringing you down. Now contrast this with when you’re introduced to an individual who exudes a sense of calm, who is friendly and relatable, kind and hospitable. You invariably find yourself drawn to them, eager to linger in their presence and get to know them. Which of these people do you think is more likely to practice and be mindful of self-care?

But how does self-care help my love life?

This is where things get interesting.

Any exercise in self-care that in some way enriches your emotional wellness or mental wellbeing leads to significantly improved connections with those around you. What’s more, it increases the chances of you meeting a potential long-term partner, someone you could genuinely see yourself making a go of it with.

According to psychotherapeutic research, we tend to attract – and be attracted to – individuals of similar psychological health. Water seeks its own level, so to speak. High-functioning people typically couple with other high-functioning people. Conversely, individuals who lack emotional stability commonly partner with those of comparable dispositions. This means that working on your psychological wellbeing while you’re single can pay you significant dividends. This might entail reading a self-help book, meeting with a psychotherapist or reflecting on your own emotional issues by way of a diary or meditation.

Deliberate acts of self-care will cause you to be drawn to likeminded, growth-oriented individuals – and they will be drawn to you, too.

Self-care and your sex life

Self-care permeates every aspect of your romantic life – and that includes in the bedroom.

Psychologists call it interoception, the ability to really inhabit your body and experience the here-and-now. You can only get to this stage of introspective understanding by being truly at one with yourself.

And how to get to this stage of enlightenment? You guessed it. Taking care of your emotional wellbeing.

By improving your psychological wellness, you can enjoy intimacy on a whole new level. Self-care leads to the ability to listen to your body and how it is communicating with you during intimacy. Lean into what feels good, what you want more of. No pressure, just sheer, unbridled pleasure – and a healthy dose of curiosity. Being at one with yourself alleviates awkwardness and sets you free to communicate honestly with your partner about how to make sex even more wonderful.

We can help get you back on track

The Vida Consultancy is an elite, international multi-award-winning introductions agency with offices in New York and London and a network of truly exceptional singletons spanning the entire globe. We have brought together literally hundreds of happy, successful couples during our short history – and it’s all because of our unique, psychology-led approach.

At Vida, we know the importance of shared values when finding a life partner – but we also know how crucial it is to be at one with yourself before trusting your heart with another. Our in-house relationship psychologist and dating coach Madeleine Mason Roantree has over fifteen years’ experience in helping people overcome emotional obstacles on the road to finding love – and she can help you, too.

Get in touch with Vida today to talk to us about our intensive coaching consultations, a tried and tested methodology guaranteed to help you truly come to love yourself – before moving forward and finding your dream partner to share that love with.

by Gina Yannotta

Chief Operating Officer, New York City.

Gina Yannotta is Head Matchmaker & Chief Operating Officer at Vida’s New York office. Gina’s unyielding passion for the field, in combination with her extensive experience in matchmaking, has allowed her to orchestrate successful and everlasting relationships amongst her clients. Tasked with running the Manhattan office, Gina utilizes her interpersonal skills and relationship expertise to make a splash in the matchmaking pool, personally connecting her clients with their ultimate match while simultaneously taking advantage of the endless possibilities that NYC offers to its client-base.More by this author